Dr. Arthur Brooks spoke to a community audience Aug. 28 in Watkins Auditorium in the Boling University Center about what makes people happy and how they can learn to become more happy.
Brooks’ appearance at the University of Tennessee at Martin was sponsored by the Institute of American Civics and UT Martin.
Brooks is a Harvard professor and best-selling author of 13 books. One of his more recent works, “Build the Life You Want,” was co-authored with Oprah Winfrey in 2023 and reached No. 1 on the New York Times bestseller list.
Brooks is one of the world’s leading experts on the science of human happiness, appearing in the media and traveling the world to teach people in private companies, universities, public agencies and faith communities how they can live happier lives and bring greater well-being to others.
The theme of the open program at 2:30 p.m. was “Love Your Enemies,” and Brooks shared how people can learn to be less unhappy.
“Happiness is a combination of three things,” Brooks said. “It’s the combination of enjoyment in your life, satisfaction with your accomplishments and an understanding of the meaning of your existence…and you can pursue all of those things.
“…The happiest people in every society and every age and every culture – they do four things; they have four habits: They practice their faith, they cultivate their families, they stay up-to-date with their real friendships and they take their work seriously with respect to serving other people.”
Brooks added that people in the United States have been going in the wrong direction with all four of those habits over a long period of time.
“The United States has been in gradual happiness decline since about 1990,” he said. “The way that works is the percentage of Americans who say, ‘I’m very happy with my life’ ticks down about a half a percentage point each year and the percentage of Americans who say, ‘I’m unhappy with my life’ ticks up about a half a percentage point each year.
“That’s punctuated by downward droughts; so, it’s kind of gradually going down, and then, downward, then it comes back up a little bit, and then, it continues downward.”
Brooks said that people are less likely to practice a religion, say they are spiritual or have a cohesive nonreligious philosophy of life than they were years ago.
“I’m not going to say which (religion) is right; I’ve got my own. I’m a Catholic,” he said. “But, I will tell you as a scientist that for happiness, you don’t have to do it my way, but you gotta do something, and fewer and fewer Americans are doing anything.”
Brooks said in 1964, 1% of Americans said they had no religious faith or were spiritual. This year, 33% say that.
“Again, I’m not making any judgement about who is right,” he said, “but I’m telling you that if you don’t put something in your spiritual life – your philosophical life – you’ll spend all day thinking about yourself.”
Regarding family, Brooks said the secret to a happy life is not getting married; it’s getting married and staying married.
“The problem is that more and more Americans are just not even doing that,” he said. “We’re finding that people are getting married later or not getting married at all.
“Second, more and more people have become persuaded that kids are a nuisance, that kids are inconvenient. I’ve got news for you: It’s true,” he laughed, “but nothing brings more meaning.”
With friendship, Brooks said that there is more and more loneliness, “Which is weird because we are more and more connected to each other, yet the loneliness data – which are collected every year by UCLA – show that more and more people are likely to say that no one knows who they are.”
Brooks said that one-third of the people surveyed said that no one knows who they are.
“And those numbers have been going up and up and up,” he said. “So much so that the surgeon general of the United States, Vivek Murthy, told me when I asked him on my podcast, ‘What’s the biggest public health challenge facing our nation?’
“He didn’t say COVID; he didn’t say gun violence; he didn’t say the opioid epidemic. He said, ‘Loneliness.’ The bottom line is that loneliness is rising because friendship is declining.”
Regarding work, Brooks said that fewer and fewer people are likely to say, “I consider my work to be a motivation.”
Brooks said that the factors bringing people’s happiness level down – which he called “storms” – are spending too much time on social media, the separation brought on by the lockdown during the COVID-19 pandemic and a phenomenon called “motive attribution asymmetry.”
“It’s actually a very simple idea,” he said. “What it means is that a case where a conflict can’t be resolved because both sides of the conflict believe that they love what the other side hates.
“This is actually what results in most divorces. When you talk to most couples who get divorced, she says, ‘I still love and he hates,’ and then later, he’ll say, ‘No, I still love, but she hates me.’ The result of that asynchronicity – that error in point of fact – is that you have irreconcilable harm.”
Brooks said that the biggest source in downward force against happiness today is the polarization that is brought about by motive attribution asymmetry and the hatred being seen in the context of politics.
“You want to know why we’re not happy now?” he asked. “Turn on cable TV in prime time tonight and watch how they’re talking. Listen to how they’re talking about the people with whom you agree or disagree. That’s the reason.
“It’s like picking up a hot coal to throw at somebody you hate and being burned worse yourself. Your hatred is making you less happy and the whole country less happy.”
Brooks said the solution to the contempt shown to others is an increase in civility and tolerance.
“Who’s your enemy? Anybody with whom you disagree,” he said. “It’s not somebody you want to kill; it’s your political enemies, your ideological enemies.
“What do you do? You love them. How? You want America to be happier, let it start with you. Where does it start with you? You go looking for the people with whom you disagree and you love them. How? By making the decision to do so.”
Finally, Brooks said there needs to be more gratitude.
“Gratitude is one of the greatest techniques in bringing greater happiness,” he said.
Brooks concluded by saying that people need to rebel against the culture of contempt in the county, which he called “the No. 1 force driving the storms of unhappiness, which are leading to the trend that we see.”
“We can turn this around at any point in time,” he said. “It has happened in the past and it can happen again. Maybe it can start right here in Martin, Tennessee, on this date. It has to start somewhere.”
Brooks and NFL veteran Michael Oher, who is now the director of The Oher Foundation, appeared at a private session at 11 a.m. and at a session with the student body in the Kathleen and Tom Elam Center at noon.
PHOTO: Dr. Arthur Brooks pauses for a light moment during his public session Aug. 28 in Watkins Auditorium in the Boling University Center.
